Christianity vs. Christian Culture...One of these things is not nice.

Hello Friends! 

I am so enjoying spending this month reflecting on some of the motherhood lessons I have learned since starting this blog in January and the journey we have taken together! I am excited to share this post from earlier this year because it was one of the more challenging ones to write. This one was especially scary (though I could say that about all of them, since sharing your heart regularly with other people is terrifying!) because it forced me to think through what I really believe and how it is affecting the way I am raising my kids. Yikes!

I hope you enjoy this rather intense read...

Following Jesus

As our family drove to church Sunday, my oldest daughter asked me if she was a city girl or a country girl. I chuckled and said, “You are a suburban girl all the way, Sweetie.”

Interestingly enough, as I listened to my pastor preach on Mark 8:27-30 an hour later, something he said reminded me of my daughter's question and completely distracted me the rest of the service. He said, “Following Jesus means that we will not be insulated from the darkness of this world. Following Jesus means he's going to go where there is darkness, and destruction, and despair. And we are going to go there with him."

I’ve had this thought before, as a naive college girl, excited to go out into the dark world with the light of Jesus and save everyone. But, I could hardly pay attention as my mind wrapped around this statement and what the reality of following Jesus meant for my four little girls. I thought of my family, middle class, home schooling, suburban folk that we are, and considered how pleasant it is to follow modern Christian culture in the context of my seemingly safe and clean life.

Christianity in its original definition means to follow Christ - to be a Christian is to be a little Christ. However, it has morphed in this present time to the point that claiming to be a Christian doesn’t always equate being a follower of Christ. Oftentimes it looks more like a happy family photo framed by Hobby Lobby, tastes like a Pumpkin Spice Latte, smells like a Scentsy candle and fits neatly in a Proverbs 31 bag. It is so...nice.

The rules of Christian culture tell me to listen to positive and encouraging radio stations only, to support and boycott businesses based on their moral values, vote accordingly, and throw out my leggings and yoga pants. As a Christian, I need to have a pocketful of Christian catch phrases ready to throw out at a moment's notice and probably have a few coffee mugs and t-shirts covered with them as well. Following Christian culture means sprinkling catchy slogans and political arguments across my social media feeds. All of this can be done from the comfort of our single family home in our HOA monitored neighborhood or while sitting in the Chic-fil-a drive through in my snazzy minivan.

I am not saying that those living in the suburbs of a first-world nation cannot truly follow Jesus, or that we should feel disgrace for being middle-class, evangelical Americans, because this is who we are and where we live by God's design. I have simply found it hard to understand where some of what Jesus said about following him fits in the context of the Christian culture I am living in. For instance, when he says, “If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself, take up his cross daily and follow me.” (John 9:23) I don’t think he was talking about wearing a dainty, cross necklace from James Avery. Again, it's not wrong to wear the necklace, but Jesus took up his cross and walked into the darkness of our sin and separation from God. How do we follow him into the dark places where sin has separated people from God when Christian culture doesn’t even allow us to walk into Target anymore?

When I’m honest, I have to admit that the darkest corners of my city may as well be in a foreign country. I am not familiar with these dark places, but if I drive through them I’ll be sure my doors are locked.

My kids are not familiar with these places either, and this is what really caught my attention most on Sunday.

Two questions I sat in my seat and tried to answer are:

1. Am I teaching my children to follow Jesus, or popular Christian culture?

2. Do I trust Jesus to be with my children should they choose to follow him into the darkest corners of the world?

If I look at the course of our day to day, I’m honestly not sure. I know in my head I want my children to follow Jesus, but there is a little part of my heart that fears what that really means for them. If my children truly fall in love with Jesus and follow him with their whole heart, he may very well lead them to be light in some very dark, scary places that the neat and tidy version of Christianity would deem God-forsaken and to be avoided at all cost, and I’m not sure this mama’s heart can handle that.

The temptation then is to invite my children to follow the softer more pleasant, Western version of Christianity.

The problem is that this version of Christianity doesn’t tell us the truth about the world we live in. Because the world we live in is not nice. It is very dark. And following Christian culture lets us believe that the dark is out there and doesn't affect us. We don't have to think about the children who are sold into sexual slavery if we don't want to. We can pretend it doesn't exist and binge watching Netflix instead.

But Jesus said differently. He said the dark was inside us - in our hearts (Matthew 5:21-30). It’s not just what we do, it’s who we are. The darkness is not afraid of our organized closets and our family-friendly church events. The darkness is here, even in the hearts and souls of those sitting on the pews of America's most pristine churches. When we try to follow Christian culture instead of Jesus, there is no light to shine into that darkness, and yet we foolishly believe that our lives are shining brightly from our hand-sanitized place in the world.

But Jesus says this, “Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.” John 12:25

So here is my struggle...am I willing to lead my children to follow Jesus into the darkness? Do I love the mission of Jesus more than I love the safety and comfort of my Christian cultural lifestyle? Am I willing to watch my children lose their lives for the sake of the Gospel? And while I may sing about faith without borders, do I really trust Jesus to keep my children close, should he call them to walk deeper than their feet could ever wander?

Chances are, my children will not be faced with execution for their faith. My husband and I are in the process of planting a church in the friendly suburbs of Houston. I don’t know what kind of darkness Jesus is going to lead us into as we plant in this mild-mannered Texan town. To be sure, there is darkness here, we have not kept it out with our pine fences and trimmed hedges. We will come face to face with it as God rescues people out of darkness and brings them into his light. And we will also face the darkness as he sanctifies our own hearts.

I can’t help but think of a friend of mine who, with her husband and their three children, recently moved to a third-world country in Asia. It’s hard to imagine the culture shock, not to mention the blatant darkness, they have followed Jesus into as I sit here in my air conditioned home, gazing over the neatly manicured cul de sac outside. I was encouraged by a recent social media post from her that stated,

“This has been the best kind of hard for our family. The kind of hard that stretches you and makes you a better person with eyes that take in the world with greater appreciation and a heart that loves with deeper understanding...You'll be amazed at the courage and grace they (your children) traverse unknown territory with, and the incredible people they become on the other side.”  

The best kind of hard is the kind that makes us more like Jesus. This is what I want for my children.

I am also encourage by another mother who has bravely taken her four children out of Christian culture to follow Jesus to Dubai. Gloria Furman and her husband have planted a church in the midst of great darkness and difficulty. 

I am encouraged when Gloria writes in her book Glimpses of Grace,

“God is a good Father, and he never ever considers for even one moment letting us remain satisfied with anything less than himself, because he is the most satisfying treasure in the whole wide world.”

I am encouraged because what this means is that God loves me enough to not allow me to be satisfied with the idol of neat Christian culture. And he loves my children enough too. He loves us all enough to never allow us to be truly satisfied with the little gods we try to create with our own hands. The safety and security of Christian culture, while it may keep my children from the dark places of the world, will never satisfy them the way following Jesus will.

This confounds us. We are creatures who are continually striving to build a life that requires little discomfort and greatest pleasure. However, following Jesus will rarely lead us to a life of comfort, but it gives something far greater - a life that can never be lost. It gives us the life of Jesus himself. His life, exchanged for our darkness. The darkness in our hearts, that we cannot escape, is exchanged for the righteousness of Christ. No correct political view or prestigious zip code can give us his life. The reality of Jesus’ life reminds us that there is no other haven from the darkness of sin, but him.

Apart from Christ, we have no hope of life. We must follow him or perish in the darkness of our own sin, eternally separated from God. 

My prayer for us today, is that we will relentlessly follow Jesus, and lead our children to do the same. I pray that we will resist the temptation to give them a neatly packaged religion that keeps them from understanding the depravity of their own hearts that required a bloody cross. I pray that instead of trusting our trendy Christian worldview, we will trust Jesus to walk with us and with our precious children as he leads us into the darkest of places to proclaim the light of his Gospel.

“For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. For God, who said, ‘Let light shine out of darkness,’ has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted but not forsaken; struck down but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you…So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”

2 Corinthians 4:5-12; 16-18

For further encouragement:

Matthew 5:13-16; Proverbs 4; John 1:1-5

Organized Chaos

“I need to clean those pencil marks off the wall,” I said to myself the other day as I sat in my favorite blue chair. So I got up and walked to the kitchen to get an eraser.

“I should probably get a drink of water while I’m here. I know I haven’t had enough water today…or in the last decade. How have I not died of thirst yet?” I grabbed a cup out of the cupboard and headed to the water dispenser in the fridge.

“Ouch! Agh-stupid lego. I told the kids if I found any more legos on the floor they were going into the trash so here it goes.” I opened the lid to the trash can.

“Yikes, no trash bag. Better put one in before someone dumps something gross in the bottom of the can.” I set my cup and the offending lego on the kitchen counter and grabbed a trash bag.

“Oh no! I forgot to move that load into the dryer! I hope it hasn’t already soured! I better do that right now. “ I tossed the lego in the trash and ran (ok quickly walked) to the laundry room. Relieved that no sour smells seemed to be emanating from my damp, bath towels, I threw them in the dryer and walked back to the kitchen.

“What was I doing before…Oh right, water.” I grabbed my cup off the counter filled it with water and chugged. “There. I’m hydrated.”

“MOM!!!! She won’t give me my dragon!!!!” Sigh. Time to play referee.

Several apologies and negotiations later I plopped back into my favorite blue chair feeling a little unsettled.

“Seems like there was something else…Dang it! The pencil marks on the wall.” I got up and went back to the kitchen.

This is just a glimpse of the daily wandering of my mind and body as I care for my husband, four children, dog, turtle and all of the various habitats, feeding schedules. and clean up that must be done for them. There is always something that needs to be done that leads to something else that needs to be done that leads to something else and NEVER ENDS! Some days I run from one room of the house to the other panting and sweating doing a million little things and at the end of the day I look around at the disaster that is still left.

Did I get anything done? No. But I worked so hard! Then I am overcome by shame and guilt and wonder if I am destined to forever be a failure at adulting.

Perhaps this is the curse of the disorganized. I’ve read many books and blogs on organization and orderly housekeeping and scheduling. I definitely found helpful tips that I occasionally remember to use as I frantically paddle through the rushing rapids of chaos. Setting a timer and working in one area at a time seems to be the most effective for me. Todist, Evernote and my phone calendar have tamed the madness a bit. But most times I am carried from one day to the next like a rumpled butterfly in a hurricane, grasping at flowers as I tumble by. I collect a little junk from one room and move it to the next, rush from children’s activities to the store in an attempt to make the theory of dinner a reality, and somewhere in between the to dos, must dos, and hope to someday dos, someone has a crisis, or needs a snack, and then I can’t remember where I was and what I was doing. Does this ever happen to you?

If so, allow me to encourage you and in the process encourage myself as well.

First, while working towards organizational living does make life a little more easy to navigate, not everyone is gifted that way and that’s ok. It doesn’t make you a bad or lazy person. Some people seem to be able to organize as easily as they breathe. I grew up with one of those people and am now married to one. After years of feeling like my disorganized mind was a defect, I finally learned that my mind is disorganized because it is preoccupied with thinking about a lot of other things - good things - and that is intentional and God-ordained. Studies have shown that the most creative minds are also the most disorganized. So you and I aren't disorganized, we are just really, really creative. Really. Sigh...I know, me neither. But we can be who God created us to be without shame, and that is beautiful and gives us a place to rest from our striving to be what we aren't.

Secondly, you are deeply loved and valued by God regardless of how organized your house or life is. Take a deep breath, my disheveled friend. You are loved as you are. So am I. We may not be able to find our phones at the moment, there might be ketchup soaking into the floorboard of the car and there is a smell in the pantry that should probably be dealt with ASAP, but still we are loved and have gifts and abilities that are created by God and useful for the good of others. Personally, I see how my slightly askew organizational skills really help my very organized and efficient hubby to relax and not take life so seriously all the time. It's therapeutic sometimes to sit in the chaos and appreciate the vibrant life that cannot be contained in spreadsheets and cute, chalkboard-labeled baskets.

And, if you are one of those got-it-all-together, super-organized people with a tidy home and perfectly laundered blouses, please know that you are so loved. We, who stare in confusion at drawer organizers and get overwhelmed when standing in the Container Store, envy you and your ability to appear so at ease in all of your orderly brilliance. You are loved and valued as well and have so many wonderful gifts with which to help others (my closet needs help-just in case you needed a suggestion).

How wonderful it is when we can accept each other’s strengths and weaknesses instead of competing with them! Let’s all choose to do that instead.

My prayer for us today is that we will accept ourselves and each other for whom God has created us to be. May we appreciate the many gifts God has given, and not beat the drum of our own strengths while criticizing the weaknesses of others. I pray each of us will pursue the fullness of maturity God has for us, and embrace his grace for those things we are still learning to do well.

Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity!                Psalm 133:1

Especially for the disorganized mind:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.     Philippians 4:8

Confessions Of a Pile Maker

I’m a piler. Also, piler is not a word, so I am also a word inventor. I have piles for all kinds of things, papers, clothing, random odds and ends that I don’t know where to file away. My husband is the opposite. He has a place for everything and everything goes in its’ place. He is a placer (actual word meaning a person who sets things in their place or arranges them). And if he doesn’t know where something goes-he trashes it. This tension between my tendency to pile things and his need to have clear space was a little intense in the early years of our marriage (who I am kidding? It's still intense). He would walk through our 800 square foot apartment and weed through my piles without a word, which I falsely construed as frustration. Then I would freak out and start yelling at him for moving my stuff. He would furrow his brow at me with a look that said, “Don’t you know most wives yell at their husbands for not cleaning up? Get a grip lady.” Even now you can see the difference when comparing his side and my side of our bathroom. 

              Hers                                      His

After trudging through the why’s and what for’s of our piling and un-piling habits, we adjusted our tendencies so that we could live together more peaceably. Now, I pile much less than I used to (ok, maybe not much less), and he mostly ignores the corners where piles have become permanent. However, I did find a pile of the kid’s art-work in the trash the other day. At first, I got frustrated but then realized he simply did what I lacked the courage to do. I resisted the urge to take them out of the trash (mainly because they were soaked in salsa) and moved on.

My house is not the only place I tend to pile things. I have a tendency to pile things up in my heart as well. I don’t always realize I am doing it, but every once in awhile, I feel myself feeling very disconnected from God and in what I guess would be labeled as a “dry season” in my faith. I can usually trace this to events that I perhaps handled in my own strength and ended up with a mess that I didn’t know what to do with, and pushed it all into a pile to be dealt with later when I had more energy/insight/compassion or whatever excuse allowed me to procrastinate. So, an ill-spoken word, a sinful thought, self-righteous anger, or any other momentary human fail, that I did not confess to God and allow him to deal with, got pushed into a pile in a corner of my heart left to collect dust and create separation from my Father.

With every pile in my house, once I’ve walked past it for a few days, I forget it’s there. It becomes a part of the decor. So it is with my heart. After a few days, I’ve gotten used to that pile of sin. It becomes a part of my character. And it isn’t until I take time to look around and focus on the clutter that I realize how out of control the pile has become.

Often, this is when I finally recognize that the Holy Spirit has been working to un-pile my heart. He is faithful to draw my attention to the sin that is separating me from God. Sometimes I see it quickly, other times, I drag my feet and he is patient.

I often feel that I am the only one who piles. I see other people’s houses, neat and tidy and I wonder-are they really this uncluttered, or are their piles momentarily hiding in baskets in the closet like mine? Comparison is rarely healthy, but neither is feeling alone. I think we all have piles in our hearts. I know we have all fallen short because the Bible tells me so. The danger is not only in falling short, but in getting used to it and never coming to a place of repentance. When we become comfortable living in piles of sin we are in danger of being separated from God. The Bible also tells me he loves us too much to let this happen. So he sent Jesus to clean up the mess. Then he sent the Holy Spirit to remind us that sin piles up again very easily. The first of Martin Luther’s thesis reads:

When our Lord and Master Jesus said “Repent, “ he intended that the entire life of believers should be repentance.

This means that our progress is made through continual daily repentance. It isn’t a prayer prayed once and we are done. It is ongoing because sin is always crouching waiting to have us. It is humbling because I don’t like to think I need to ask forgiveness. I like to think my effort at Christian living is good enough. However, when I fail to repent, I find myself further away from God instead of closer. I find myself estranged from others, instead of fellowshipping in community and peace. 

The words of Milton Vincent's Gospel Primer shock my heart into the reality of my sin. He writes, 

If I wanted others to think highly of me, I would conceal the fact that a shameful slaughter of the perfect Son of God was required that I might be saved...Indeed, the most humiliating gossip that could ever be whispered about me is blared from Golgotha's hill; and my self-righteous reputation is left in ruins in the wake of its revelations...Thankfully, the more exposed I see that I am by the Cross, the more I find myself opening up to others...the more I enjoy the healing of the Lord in response to their grace-filled counsel and prayers.

We must repent. We cannot cease repenting until we are made perfect in the presence of God. We don’t have to repent alone. We can repent together as God’s people, humbling ourselves and praying for forgiveness and righteousness. We can move together into the world as the Church, not because we are perfected, but because we are progressing to the day of perfection by the grace of God.

My prayer for us today is that we would submit to the conviction of the Holy Spirit and repent. I pray that we will not stubbornly refuse to look honestly at the sins we have allowed to pile up and separate us from God, and that we will share our struggles with trusted believers. I pray that we will never become accustomed to our sin, but that it would make us uncomfortable until we put it in its place-on the cross of Christ.

The people dwelling in darkness have seen a great light, and for those dwelling in the region and shadow of death, on them a light has dawned. From that time Jesus began to preach, saying, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.”                Matthew 4:16-17

Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed.  

James 5:16