Coffee, Ice cream and Other Things I Don't Like to Share

An ear-piercing shriek breaks the silence and jolts my whole body. I run to my daughter’s bedroom certain that I am about to find my beloved child covered in blood or lying on the floor with a broken limb.

No such drama.

My three-year-old is screaming because her sister won’t share her toy. My frantic concern quickly turns to real anger as I realize that this overdramatic tot has shattered the peace for purely selfish reasons. I take deep breaths so that I also don’t overreact to the situation and find myself robotically quoting my sharing and taking turns speech.

“Sweetheart, we don’t scream at people when they don’t give us what we want. You will have to wait your turn to play with that toy,” then turning to my other daughter, “And you need to ask Jesus to help you have a heart that wants to share.”

Sometimes, this is enough. Sometimes, time-outs are required. Either way, I find myself quoting this speech often with my four daughters.

Truth be told, I have to quote this speech to myself sometimes, too. Not getting what I want still puts me out a bit, even at this age. And sharing what I have sometimes feels like too much expectation-especially when it comes to sharing coffee, ice cream or chocolate. If I share any of those things with you, then you are really special. My kids aren't special. 

After 36 years, I can still sense a bit of the selfish child within. I have to quote my speech to her, reminding her that we are not the same as we used to be, that it is time to stop acting like a spoiled brat and adult already. And also, that we are not a split personality so let’s stop talking to ourselves…

I am reminded of a story my husband told me about a woman he and his friends met while he was visiting Cuba. The woman’s husband made introductions and then asked his wife to make coffee for their guests. She informed him that their one source for heating all their food, a single hot plate, was broken and so there would be no hot water for coffee. Her husband then asked her to make it the old fashioned way. This meant, “Go outside and heat the water on an open fire.” So she did. It took her much longer, and required infinitely more work to gather fuel for the fire and then heat water on it. I’ve only ever done this for fun when camping out with the family, and I'm not sure after working so hard to make coffee that I would have shared it. This woman could have refused, it is after all just coffee. Surely, these guests would understand. But she didn’t. She shared what she had and went the extra mile to do so. (My husband and his friends bought her a new hot plate before they returned home as a thank you.)

This made me think about all the excuses I make about why I can’t share what I have. I often figure that what I have is not good enough and don’t want to risk embarrassment. I also sometimes think that the amount needed is more than I can give, so surely someone else has better means with which to help. Oh, I can find lots of reasons why I can’t share.

But there was once this widow who gave a penny in the offering, and here’s what Jesus said about it,

Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had to live on.   Mark 12:41-44

Well. That pretty much nullifies every excuse I have. I can share. I can share my time, my energy, my money, my home, my food, my clothes, my car, gulp, even my coffee…and so much more. Whether it seems like a little or a lot, when we start making a list of all the things we could share, we start to see how much we really have. I would have to give away a lot of things before I got to where the widow was. That penny was everything she had to live on. That’s not much, y’all.

My prayer for us today is that we would stop making excuses for why we can’t share. May we be willing to go the extra mile to open our homes and practice joyful hospitality to our community. May we be happy to give up buying a new______________ so that we can give away some of our money. May we be willing to set aside the things we want to do, and share our time with our children. May we put away childish things so that we can love people better and obey God more faithfully.

And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God... Acts 2:45-47

Creating Space

Space is a big deal for me. I like space. Don’t get too close to me. If you are in my face when you talk to me, I will slowly back away as my shoulders tighten into anxious knots. Honor the bubble, y’all. This whole kids being all up in my space for the last decade thing wears on me. The other day I went to the bathroom and my three-year-old sat on the floor and played with my toes…while I was peeing! Seriously?! For crying out loud…GIVE ME SOME SPACE!

But, I’m not always psychotic about my spaces. I also like my space for normal reasons. I like to create little spaces throughout my house that are designated areas. So, my husband and I have a coffee space where we hang out together in the mornings. I have my writing space where I am able to climb out of the trenches of motherhood for a bit to breathe, dream, and play with words. I like these spaces. These are my happy spaces.  

Who cares that there's a playroom full of toys? Blankets are one of the best tools for creating an imaginary world all your own. And those little legs sticking out made me chuckle.

I assumed my four daughters would appreciate and respect my space, but…well...in spite of my effort to create reading nooks with dreamy, sheer curtains and decorative pillows, and dress up areas with hooks for hats and tutus, these kids won’t stay put in their spaces-they keep jumping over into mine! I realized the futility of my efforts one day as I was looking for these cherub-cheeked children of mine and couldn’t find them (which immediately makes a mother think “Oh no. What kind of mess am I about to find?”). I checked the dress-up space in the playroom, the reading nooks in their bedrooms, and the play teepee outside. Nope. Those spaces were untouched. Then I heard giggling from the direction of my bedroom. Oh no. Following the sound like a bloodhound I tracked them down. They were in my closet with every pillow and blanket they own, stacks of books and their favorite stuffed animals. I shook my head in bewilderment. I also had a flashback to when I was a little girl doing the exact same thing. I remember the day I found my mom’s secret stash of make-up in a cardboard box in the floor of her closet…jackpot! I was entertained for what felt like hours.

But at this moment, with my daughters, I was not entertained. I did what every 21st century mother does. I took a pic of them snuggled together in my closet, put it on Instagram with a filter and something about letting kids be kids so that I sounded like the cool mom who's totally laid back and chill - the opposite of what I was really feeling. Then texted it to my husband and whined about how I had worked so hard to create cozy space for them to read and play and they ended up in my cluttered closet messing with my stuff.

Then my husband said something that made me stop in my tracks. He said, “Of course they are, Babe. They have an innate desire to create their own space.”

Oh. Right.

I forgot that these daughter’s of mine, like me, and our first mother, Eve, have a built in sense of creating space. They can’t help but create space for life. They don’t even realize they are doing it. It is in them to subdue the world around them and make it habitable, useful and beautiful, because that is the job God has given them. As a mother of daughters, I should be better at recognizing this, but sometimes I am selfish with my spaces and I forget that I’m raising women created in the image of Creator God. I get caught up in the creating of my own spaces and forget that they need to flex those creative muscles, too, and that the way they create space will be different than the way I do.

This one is not deterred by Texas' lack of snow. She created her own reading space with our seldom used sled. 

It challenges my sense of control-which is delusional at best anyway. It reminds me that my love for creating space is teaching my daughters to do the same. They will one day become women who will create beautiful spaces out in the world as well as in their own homes. Maybe it will be space that protects victims of human trafficking. Maybe it will be space that brings families together. Maybe they will create space for children to be educated, patients to be treated, or some useful space that no one has thought to create yet. 

This one almost always creates her spaces up in the tree tops. Her most impressive creation was a hammock that she made with a bit of rope strung back and forth between the branches. I was relieved it held her!

No matter what shape their spaces take, I pray that they will create space where the seed of the Gospel has room to flourish. I pray that as each of them discovers who they are, created in Christ, they will dive into their space in this world with all their heart for the good of others and the glory of God. I pray this for myself, too. It fills my heart with joy when I get to create space, whether it is space in my home for loved ones to rest and be fed, or an online space where moms can catch their breath and be encouraged by the Gospel. It is in these spaces that worship to my Creator flows most truthfully. 

I’m so thankful for my spaces. I am also thankful that my spaces are filled with these delightfully creative children. Even when I can’t seem to get an inch of elbow-room, or a private moment in the bathroom, I know that these spaces I’ve been given to cultivate are beautiful and exactly what God knows this momma needs.

What about you? What spaces are you carving into the corners of your life? Where do you flex your creative muscles? In what spaces do you find yourself worshipping God fully?

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them. And God said to them, Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it...And it was so. And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good.            Genesis 1:27-31

God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth. John 4:24

So we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them:  Romans 12:5-6

Off With the Old

It's that time of year again. The end I mean. Everyone is reflecting, celebrating, crying, regretting, and hoping for better the next time around. 

My husband makes a list of goals in several areas of his life i.e. physically, financially, etc. He also makes a list of books to read for the year. He keeps the list in his wallet and then reviews it one last time at the end of the year before making a new list for the upcoming year. It is really quite impressive how many goals he achieves and books he reads every year. He's done it for the 16 years I've known him. I also usually make some plans for the new year. Lists of things I want to try to do, or try to do better. I made one last year. I have no idea where it is or what was on it. 

And that's where we are today on this last day of the old year. 

We all have this longing for things to change. We know things have not gone as well as we would have liked, and we hope things will get better by the next time we are on this side of the sun. Why do we do this? 

Simply because the world is broken and we are broken in it and we know that is not as it should be. I know, what an encouraging post, right? 

But, we truly cannot move forward and pretend like things will get better if we try harder. We are broken people, hoping that our brokenness will hurt less this year than it did last year. So we do what we can to prepare. We set goals. We make lists. We plan as best we can for things we don't even know are coming. We are ridiculously hopeful. 

Herein lies the beauty of what God has done.

On our own, we have no true hope. We will make our New Year's resolutions and lose the list by the end of the week. We will forget the mistakes we have already made and make them again. So we have no hope for real change apart from leaning into what God does for us that we cannot do for ourselves. 

We must lean into the new life that he has gifted to us through the death and resurrection of his Son, Jesus. This is the only way to make this new year different from the last one. 

For me, this is the only reason to keep writing about how I've encountered the Gospel in my own life. It is the only thing that has ever made the difference from one year to the next. I have never made a list of goals or rules that I was able to keep. I broke them and gave up every time. But every time I give my failures and hopes to God, and trust him to make it all new, he does it. Every. Time. 

Are you finding yourself floundering today as you are reflecting on the big picture of your life? Are you seeing a deficit that you don't know what to do with? 

My prayer for us today, is that we would lean into the completed work of Jesus. I pray that we would trust him to take the old habits, old sins, old relationships, old bodies, old money, old mistakes and make it all new. This is what he does. It is why he came. It is his mission.

"Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away." And he who was seated on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new."

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold the new has come.  2 Corinthians 5:17