When Good Isn't Enough

I remember the first time I felt like a failure as a mom. It was less than an hour after my first daughter was born. I was trying to nurse her, and she wouldn’t latch on and I was kind of freaking out. I asked for help and a lactation consultant came in and patiently walked me through the process. She told me all the things that all the books I’d been reading for months beforehand told me. I knew what I was supposed to be doing, I just couldn’t figure out how to execute it all and my squirming infant wasn’t cooperating. That was the beginning of five weeks of struggling to nurse that ended with me in tears on Christmas morning at my in-laws house begging my husband to miraculously find an open grocery store and bring back formula because I was a complete failure at nursing and I couldn’t try and fail any more.

Life is so dramatic right after you give you birth. Post-partum is a jerk.

No one told me that motherhood is a constant struggle between pure love and joy for your children and feeling like a complete failure all the time. But that’s how it is most times. We are constantly wondering if we are making the right decisions - cry it out vs. co-sleeping; breast vs. bottle; cloth diapers vs. disposable; rice cereal vs. oatmeal; store bought baby food vs. homemade; pre-school vs. mother’s day out; mini-van vs. SUV- oh my goodness. When did raising a baby become so complicated?! And why are we so afraid that one wrong decision will dramatically affect our kids for the rest of their lives? I have to tell you honestly that I have no idea what kind of food my mom fed me when I was just starting out on solids. And it doesn’t really matter because guess what? I’m still here and I’m just fine. Also, I don’t think outlet safety plugs had been invented yet so there’s that.

Let’s take a breath together.

I’m not entirely sure why we take tiny decisions like this, and heap our entire self-worth as mothers onto them, but I think I have inkling as to why. Could it be that the reason we feel like we are not good enough as mothers is because we aren’t?

What did she just say?

I just said that maybe the reason we don’t feel like we are enough for our kids is because we aren’t. I know that as an inspirational, faith writer I’m suppose to kick in with the inspirational quotes and a few out of context scriptures at this point…but I think I’m going to go another direction.

The truth that I see in scripture is that we aren’t good enough. We always fall short and often make the wrong decision (Romans 3:23). Perhaps we don’t like to face the truth that we will fail fantastically and often, but if it weren’t true then why did Jesus have to come and die? If we are enough all by ourselves, then what do we need a Savior for?

The fact is, that we need a Savior because we can’t be everything our children need and to try will leave us in a puddle of failure. We don’t have enough love, grace, forgiveness, mercy, compassion or integrity on our own to do what needs to be done in our own hearts or in the hearts of our children. Sure, we might be phenomenal geniuses at navigating breast pumping schedules and diagnosing ear infections, but when it comes to the souls of our children, we don’t have all the answers. It could be that the anxiety we feel when we aren’t sure what to do in a situation is a gracious reminder from the Holy Spirit that we need Jesus. The most dangerous place to be in life is a place where we feel confident that we have it all together and have it all figured out.

Perhaps our insecurities are just the ticket to remind us to walk humbly before God. We don’t need another pep talk to try harder to do better. We need Jesus.

In my first decade of mothering, I have made a lot of mistakes. My children have survived so far by the grace of God. The one thing I have found to be true, is that I will never have it all figured out, and that’s ok because I have Jesus and he loves my children even more than I do. My failures remind me to put my faith in him, rather than in myself-and that, my sweet Mama, is God’s good grace.

My prayer for you and me this week is that we will look honestly at our failures, and rather than try to Google search our way out of them, we will turn to Jesus for the answers we lack. I pray that as we carefully weigh the decisions that will actually have a lasting impact on our children, we will remember to also ask God for the divine wisdom that only he has to give. I pray that when we feel as though our best isn’t good enough, the Holy Spirit will point us to the cross of Jesus as a reminder that his work is sufficient to meet all our needs.

But he (the Lord) said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses…For when I am weak, than I am strong.             2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Real Life on a Monday Morning

I'm not a morning person, but today I got up early-ish and watched as the midnight blue sky slowly faded to a pale blue-gray. I sipped coffee as my husband flipped a page in his Bible. My mind strayed from telling God how great he is to worrying about the events of this week. The weekend was full of friends and family celebrating our daughter's birthday, lots of conversations about the church we are in the process of planting that may or may not launch in the next few weeks, and talking with a realtor about listing our house so that we can find a house with room for our parents. My birthday girl has been struggling with anxiety for months now, and I'm at a loss as to what to do to help her. She had another bad night last night with tears and an upset tummy. It was quite an overwhelming weekend that has led us into what appears to be a frighteningly chaotic week. Hello, Monday.

I flipped open my Bible to my spot for today in Psalms, and as I began to read almost cried with relief at God's love for me. This morning's chapter was Psalm 136. The first verse reads,

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever.

Every verse in this chapter ends with "for his steadfast love endures forever". 

I'll admit, that when life gets hairy and scary, my coping skills include overeating, oversleeping and binge watching Netflix. The results do nothing to help me deal with real life, they are just ways for me to escape reality and leave me in a more anxious state than I already was. But, God is good, and his steadfast love endures forever. So my prayer on this Monday morning has been that God will help me to know his love this week in the midst of chaos and stress, and that I will turn to him for escape above everything else.

There is potential for disappointment, frustration and exhaustion, but there is also extraordinary opportunity for the goodness of God to be on display. When I consider this, I find myself looking forward to the events of the week, curious to see how difficult it will get, and how glorious God's sovereignty will be. And truthfully, all of the stress and chaos are result of really, really good things. They are the result of the Gospel work of Jesus in this world. Churches being planted, our family coming together to help each other, and the celebration of the children God has gifted to us. All good things that the enemy would like to twist and use for his own purposes of destruction in my soul. But God's steadfast love endures forever. I have no reason to fear the enemy. And neither do you. 

Maybe you are facing just such a week, too. Maybe you have that same anxious knot in your stomach as the different scenarios of your week play out in your mind and steal your joy. If so, take a moment to read Psalm 136 and consider God's steadfast love for you that endures forever. His love stretches beyond today, this week and even past our time on this earth. 

My prayer for you and me this week is that we will press into the steadfast love God has for us. I pray that we will not give ourselves over to lesser saviors for comfort and rest, but rather trust our true Savior and the peace only he can give. I pray that we will pull our children close when we are stressed, and let them know that our love for them is more important than the stress and busyness of life. I pray that we will give thanks to God for his goodness that shines even brighter in the most difficult of weeks. I pray that as we walk through our trials, unbelievers will see his goodness radiating from our lives, and they will know God's steadfast love for them as well.

In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith-more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire-may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.       1 Peter 1:6-9

The Day Shorts Were Pants

"Sweetheart," I said one day to my dark-eyed three-year-old, "It is too cold for shorts, you need to change and put on pants."

"These are pants." She replied without missing a beat.

My brow furrowed, "Um...no...no they're not. Those are shorts."

"No. They are pants." She calmly insisted. 

That look of defiance is so darn cute!

How do you argue with someone who is blatantly denying a physical, obvious fact? I'm sure Harvard Law students know the trick, and I know I've heard politicians do it, but at this moment, I had no idea what to say to my tot who was insisting her knee length knickers were pants. Was it possible that while teaching her words I had miscommunicated what pants are?

I have no idea. All I know, is that you cannot rationalize with an irrational human being. I sighed and went to her drawer and pulled out a pair of pants. 

"You must wear these today because it is cold outside." I held them out to her. She started protesting loudly... I feel like maybe you know what's coming. The wailing, the gnashing of teeth, and the crocodile tears that make you want to pull your hair out. That's when I knew, we are not just facing a miscommunication, we are dealing with outright disobedience. 

I would venture to say, that the battle I have to fight most often with all four of my children is the battle of obedience. And I know exactly why that is, only because I know my own heart so well. Submission to anyone else is the biggest struggle for us humans. We really don't like other people telling us what to do, do we? We demand our freedom. Our rights. We want it our way right now.

Here is why this gets us into trouble. We are not prone to live well in freedom. We will always find a way to enslave ourselves to someone or something. If we are not consciously living a life obedient to the will of God, then we will end up living in obedience to someone or something else. We cannot be free. If we try to live independently from God, we will find ourselves enslaved to our own destructive selves or addictive habits. We will run as fast as we can into the darkness of pleasing self and satisfying the lusts of our flesh. What is the lust of the flesh? Anything that we desire more than God. It may even be good things like our children or husband. But when good things become the god thing that we desire most, that person or thing is what the Bible means when it says "idol". 

You see, the reason my children disobey me is because they are enslaved to their own desires. They love themselves and what they want more than they love me. Ouch! That hurts doesn't it? When my children do what I ask them to, their actions radiate with honor and love for me, the sun shines, the birds sing, the planets align and we all do a happy dance with wreaths of flowers on our heads...Ahem...sorta. Let's just say, it feels wonderful when our children obey, doesn't it?

So it is with God. Jesus tells us this in John 14:15 when he says, "If you love me, you will keep my commandments." Our obedience is evidence of our love for God. When we obey, we are saying to him, "You are more important to me than anyone or anything else." 

The greatest commandment we have to follow is to love God with all of our heart, soul, mind and strength (Mark 12:30). This means we love him with the desires of our heart, with the emotions and personality of our soul, the thoughts and decisions of our mind and the actions, habits and works of our bodies. That's the whole person living in whole obedience. Too often though, I find myself holding back obedience in one or more of those areas. I might be obeying with my mind, but I'm going to hold on to some feelings of resentment towards another person who has wronged me. Or I may hold on to an action that I enjoy too much to let go of just yet. Even a little disobedience in me ruins the whole of me. If I love God, I will obey him...completely...with all of me. 

This isn't easy y'all. It isn't easy for me, you, or our maturing children. But it is what's best for all of us. Living in obedience to God brings eternal life. There is no one or nothing else that can give us that. Too often we give our love and obedience to idols and it leads only to our own destruction. They destroy our bodies, our relationships, our homes, our jobs, even our minds and emotions are left a wreck. Paul Tripp says it this way in his devotional New Morning Mercies:

The one who is the final definition of love, wisdom, mercy, and power makes us his slaves. He who alone is able to give us life enslaves our hearts to him. His absolute rulership over every area of our lives is not a deadening law, but a life-giving grace. He is freeing us from our slavery to what is not true and cannot deliver. He is rescuing us from serving what will never give us life. He is protecting us from seeking hope where hope will never be found. It really is true-his call to obey is a tool of his rescuing grace.

Usually our kids see our rules and restrictions as confining and ruining their fun, don't they? They can't always understand that we see danger in their behavior that could bring them harm. So we must insist they obey us, even when they don't fully understand the situation, because we love them and want the best for them. Can you see how it is the same with God? He is not out to ruin our fun, he is out to give us something so much better than our fun ever could. 

My prayer for you, me and our children, is that we would trust the goodness of God. I pray that our children will mature in their understanding of how deeply they are loved by the Father and will love him in return by living lives submitted to his rule. I pray that we as Mama's would be obedient to God, even when we think we know better. And that we will continue to grow in our obedience and love for the one true God who deserves our obedience more than any idol we could ever make for ourselves.

Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey...but thanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed, and, having been set free from sin, have become slaves of righteousness...But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.                 Romans 6:17-23